Its 6.42pm in America and I just woke up in my hostel in Santa Monica and i barely remember getting here this morning i swear that asian taxi driver put something in those lollies he was feeding me because one minute i was in the cab NEK MINUTEEEE! Im waking up in a bed iv never seen before with chicks who can barely speak english yew
The flight over was fun. I sat next to a mail order bride whos name was NANCY! i told her that name suited her very much and her skin smelt of rosemary. We both had acouple of wines and by acouple i mean a bottle each with our lunch i may or may not have got nancy troppod on the plane. We both passed out after lunch and i woke up to some crazy turbulence and the mail order sleeping on my shoulder i tried to nudge her off but when i woke her she started screaming then i started screaming then the man with the permed mullet started screaming which was wearing cause but the whole plane was silent just staring at us....should of seen them when i was doing lunges down the plane.
I woke up later to a dark and silent plane nancy was still sleeping (not on me thank god) and i really need to pee and didnt want to wake her so i thought it would be a good idea to jump over her into the aisle (wasnt even pissed) so i crouched up onto my seat ready for the big jump. I launch myself into the aisle but over estimated how high i needed to jump and have smashed my head into the overhead lockers and absolutely ate shit landed face first into the aisle with my legs in the air almost smashing old Nancy in the face the flight attendents lost there shit all the lights came on everyone gasped but No one even laughed! I couldnt stop!wish someone had filmed it. The flight attendents kept asking if i was alright and i said i was fine but could do with another chardy and they said maybe i should have a break from the booze....virgins!
Then going through check in some young boy (looked about 12 and exactly like boofo) decided he was gunna play a little joke with me and have a laugh! Every time i walked through the metal detectors they went off went through it about 50 times he got me down to my bra undies and dress he was having an absolute ball! And then i was like im not taking my dress off ya sicko and he was like "naa na im just playing with ya iv been setting the alarm of every time on purpose" i was like wtf is wrong with you! what is this take your kid to work day or something are your retarded!! I was sweating my box off freaking out. Mother fucker! Ill get him back
Anyway got in a cab with an asian guy who could barely speak english i was like how long you been in the country not long? and he said 11 years!?! And hadnt picked up a word of english in 11 years thats when i thought he could be a shifty one but i guess he got me here safetly my anus is a little bit sore but never mind.
Im going on a pub crawl at 9pm so ill let ya know how it goes! Wishing you were all here with me
Love the M dog (Someone goes how Australian is that just taking the first letter of your name and putting dog at the end HA!)
